• An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Said fornication is one thing I do know. Women are fine Young boys are divine But a llama is Numero Uno.

  • From the crypt at Dunstan-St.Giles Came a scream that resounded for miles. “Goodness gracious”, Cried Brother Ignatius, “The Abbot forgot the Bishop has piles.”

  • A vice both lewd and unsavory Holds the Prior of Oxford in slavery. With bloodcurdling howls He deflowers young owls Which he keeps in an underground aviary.

  • A mathematician named Hall Had a hexa-hedronical ball. And the cube of its weight Times his pecker, plus eight, Was four-fifths to five-eights of fuck-all.

  • A lass with features cherubic Was renowned for her areas pubic. When inquired of its size, She relied in surprise, “Are we speaking of square feet, or cubic?”

  • There was a young lawyer of Belgrave. Who kept a dead whore in a cave. He said, “I have to admit I’m a bit of a shit, But think of the money I save.”

  • There was a young lady of Mobile With parts made of Bessemer Steel. She could only get thrills From high-speed drills Or an off-center emery wheel.

  • A young Irish Jesuit of Delhi Had the Lord’s Prayer tattooed on his belly. So by the time that the Brahmin Read down to the ‘Amen’, He’d blown both salvation and Kelly.

  • A lass removing her scanties Heard them crackle electrical shanties. Her lover then said, “My Dear, I very much fear You suffer from amps in your panties.”

  • There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming, he went.

  • There once was a fellow named Rock A purveyor of tchotkes and schlock He traveled the World Seeking Super-Sized Girls Who thought all Borates were Hot

  • There was a young lady named Cager Who, as the result of a wager Consented to fart The whole oboe part Of Mozart’s ‘Quartet in F Major’

  • There was a young fellow named Hall Who died in the spring in the fall. ‘Twould have been a bad thing Had he died in the spring but he didn’t –he died in the fall.

  • There once was a girl named Irene Who lived on distilled kerosene. But she started absorbin’ A new hydrocarbon And since then has never Benzene.

  • Miss Farad was pretty and sensual And charged to a reckless potential. But a rascal named Ohm Conducted her home. Her decline was, alas, exponential.

  • There was a young lady from Yap Who had acne all over her map. But in her interstices Lurked a far worse disease Commonly known as the clap.

  • There was a young plumber named Lee Who lay plumbing his girl by the sea. She said, “Oh! Stop plumbing! There’s somebody coming!” Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.”

  • There was a young vampire named Mabel Whose periods always were stable. So every full moon She took out a spoon And drank herself under the table.

  • A rabbi from far-off Peru Was desperately trying to screw. His wife said, “Oy Vey! If you keep up this way The Messiah will come before you.”

  • There once was a nympho named Jill Who tried dynamite for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil.

  • Said Einstein, “I have an equation That some may think Rabelaisian. Let V be virginity Approaching infinity And P equal constant persuasion. Now, let V over P be inverted And the root of persuasion inserted. It is easy to see The result – Q.E.D. Is a relative,” Einstein asserted.